I Despise Roommates
I would have to say that I have lived with my fair share of roommates and honestly there have been only two I was really fond of and the rest I alternate between a feeling a neutrality and utterly despising them. This is why I will be moving back in with my mom, very soon. Before I go though I would like to list a few things that I have learned from my roommates.
1) self sufficiency – because god forbid I call and ask for a ride home, that would only lead to eye rolling and huffs because I pulled you from whatever you are doing to drive 10 minutes to pick me up at school because the buses stop at 7 pm. So instead I call a taxi.
2) How to leave passive aggressive notes – these are best done on yellow post-its and attached to the door of the offending roommate
3) Doing dishes, even if they are just your own, entitles you to a feeling of self-righteousness – This goes for taking out the trash and shoveling the sidewalk too.
4) If you disagree with someone it is perfectly acceptable to go off in a huff and slam doors – Oddly enough I thought this went out of style once you moved out of your parent’s house. Apparently I was wrong. You should also never try to negotiate face to face in a calm rational manner. That would be insane
5) Nobody other than me has learned to change the toilet paper roll once it is empty – All this time I had thought it was a simple manner but again I was wrong. This procedure is apparently complicated and hard to grasp.
6) Never put all the bills under your name – This leads you to paying everything up front and then waiting around for your roommates to decide when it is a good time to pay you (never apparently is a good time)
7) Never, ever so much as glance at another roommates food without permission – This of course will lead to a degrading of society in your house till you are all shouting and slinging poo because someone ate someone else’s nutra grain bar. Never mind the millions of people who would kill to have even a fraction of the food that resides in your house for looks apparently.
Of course this does not apply to all the roommates I have had. Some of them are quite alright. They are just not as fantastic as my mom.